What does the bible say about getting married young

Compared to much of the world, Christians tend to get married at a young age. If you’ve grown up in church you’ll probably find that at least a few of your friends are starting to get engaged by the time you turn 20.

I was one of those people. My now-husband proposed to me when I was 20 and he was 21. We got married less than a year later, one month before I turned 22.

That’s three years ago now! And since we’ve been married, I’ve found that many people a few years younger than me want to chat about why we chose to tie the knot at such an early age. Christians who are in committed relationships want encouragement and guidance before taking the leap.

So here is some advice from someone who did get married young – maybe it will help you make a wise decision!

The benefits of marrying young

There are many benefits of choosing to get married at a young age. But let’s get one of the big ones out of the way first: sex.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul writes, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” He makes a good point: if you’re struggling to stay sexually pure with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you could just keep trying to resist temptation, or if you’re the right age and both Christians, you could get married! It’s a legitimate choice, and sometimes the best one.

Of course, getting married just for the sake of sex isn’t a great idea. But it is a great idea to follow God’s design for sexuality – enjoying that part of your relationship in the safe covenant of marriage.

But it’s not all about sex. Marrying young comes with some other wonderful benefits – benefits that actually end up feeling far more important than sex as the years wear on!

Marrying young means committing to growing up together. Most studies show that we don’t reach full maturity until our mid-20s, which is often cited as a reason not to marry early. But I think that actually, choosing to make this commitment while still young brings you together at a pivotal point in your life and allows you to build a foundation together.

Rather than growing separate lives that you and your spouse then need to merge together, you essentially start adult life by each other’s side and figure it out together. It’s not always easy, but I have found it to be a beautiful experience that has enabled me and my husband to be a truly united team.

One final major benefit of marrying young? You’ve got plenty of time before you have to worry about declining fertility! My husband and I don’t have kids yet, and we’ve enjoyed exploring different careers, travelling overseas and throwing ourselves into ministry together at church. It’s been a fun few years and we’re excited to see how God continues to use our marriage pre-kids for His glory.

The challenges of marrying young

Ok, so I’ve probably made marrying young sound like it’s all sunshine and roses – but it’s not. There are several unique challenges you face if you choose to make this commitment when you’re still so young.

Firstly, that thing I said about maturity before? Yep, you get the downsides of that. If you marry young, you’re still working out how to “adult’ and engage with the world independent of your parents. It’s not always easy to do that and learn how to be married all at the same time!

Plus, if you move straight from your parents’ home or college accommodation to living with your spouse, you’ll have to learn how to do all that living independently entails with your spouse! I remember the first load of laundry I did after getting married, I accidentally shrank most of my husband’s t-shirts because I didn’t really know what I was doing!

Finally, while we have several friends who also married young, my husband and I are still definitely in the minority amongst our peers. Most are still single, and live in a way that reflects their singleness! They’re freer with their money and time, and they make decisions without needing to consider another person. Sometimes it can be hard to relate, because my life is so different now. It has been isolating and lonely at points to be in such a different life stage – although it seems that many of our friends are starting to catch up!

Are you ready?

Marriage is a beautiful gift from God, and it’s not surprising that so many people want to get married as soon as they can! But if that’s what you choose to do, make sure you’re making the decision wisely, aware of all the challenges ahead.

If you do choose to marry, then may God bless you both! After three years, I can truly say marrying my husband was the second-best decision I’ve ever made – it’s only beaten by my choice to follow Jesus.

The Pew Research article further asserts that there is a worsening impact on those who are unpartnered, from economic to health disparities. Individuals who remain single tend to earn less, attain less educational achievements, and have poorer health when compared to those married or cohabitating. Interestingly, the data shows that the unmarried, or unpartnered, tend to be younger.

Data from the Census Bureau shows that the average age at first marriage has been increasing in the United States over the years. In 1990, the average age at first marriage for men was about 26, and for women about 24. In 2020, the average age is now about 31 for men, and 28 for women, and if you look at the graph below, the trend is increasing.

https://www.census.gov/data/tables/time-series/demo/families/marital.html

However, Pew Research Center suggests that the overall increase in unmarried and unpartnered individuals is not simply due to an increase of the median age at first marriage, but a decrease in more people of lower and upper age brackets living with a spouse or partner. So there are two concerning trends here: first, people are taking longer to get married, and two, fewer people are getting married. Furthermore, those who are unmarried or unpartnered tend to make less, and on average have poorer health.

Therefore, there is a case for encouraging young people to have a positive mindset towards getting married, and not waiting until they are older. It is necessary for Christian parents, pastors, and other church leaders to highlight the blessings of marriage, and to show that God approves of and blesses those who get married at a young age.  I would also encourage older married Christian couples to encourage younger men and women to get married, and not to wait for older ages.

What Age Constitutes Marrying Young?

In Bible times, it appears that young women were able to marry from the time they were able to bear children. So, this probably began in the early teenage years. Young men usually first get married at ages slightly older than women, in the upper teen years since young women tend to experience puberty before young men. The culture in Biblical times gave place for marriage at these ages to be possible; young men would inherit or live on the property and wealth of their fathers, and parents were much more involved in the marital process. However, in our culture today, those young ages would not seem to be reasonable. Most young teenagers today are neither economically nor mentally prepared for marriage. Furthermore, societal norms, laws, and expectations oppose marriage at these young ages.

So where does that leave us in answering the question, what constitutes a young age for marriage? Well, we know that in most cultures today, young adults can legally get married at eighteen years old. Western society often accepts eighteen years old as the age of adulthood. In the United States, the age of twenty-five generally is considered the start of primary working age since most young people have completed college studies by that time. So a reasonable recommendation may be for young people to seek to get married closely between 18 - 25. Obviously, I am not advocating that people must get married within this age range. Instead, it is a starting age range to build the expectation for young people to marry. Some may get married at 27 or 28, but there is a need to stop the trend of putting off marriage.

Christian parents, pastors, and church leaders have the task of highlighting the blessings and benefits of marriage. And, the task of encouraging young people to get married using scripture to back this. Young people today are facing an onslaught of ideologies that opposes marriage from mainline entertainment and news media pushing alternative sexual lifestyles, to LGBTQ ideologies. Furthermore, the many failures of Christian marriages possibly contributed to young people developing a lesser view of marriage. We can combat these things by being good examples ourselves, highlighting good marriage examples, building faith for marriage using the word of God.

What the Bible Says about Marrying Young?

It is a Blessing

Prov. 5:18  Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

This scripture reminds men to be happy with the wife they married when they were young. What this shows is that young marriage is a blessing. The “fountain” is the wife. Let your wife be a blessing to your life by enjoying union with her. To gain the blessing of a productive wife, one must get married. Marriage is a blessing even for the young.

It Can Bring Joy

Isaiah 62:5 For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.

Prov. 5:18  Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

The above scripture shows that joy and happiness come when young men get married. The bridegroom that rejoices over the bride is a young man marrying a young virgin as seen in the first part of Isaiah 62:5. 

On the other hand, Joel shows a picture of the sadness that comes when a young woman loses the husband he was engaged to marry. Joel 1:8 Lament like a virgin girded with sackcloth for the husband of her youth. The prophet is saying to cry like a virgin grieving for the man she was to marry. So we see marrying young brings joy, while the loss of marriage can produce sadness.

It Comes with Sexual Satisfaction

Proverbs 5:18-19 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Marital sex can potentially be more satisfying than sex outside of marriage. Many studies have shown that married couples often report greater sexual satisfaction than unmarried.

It Brings Companionship

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

Two is better than one. When you marry young, you have a partner to build with. This may be a component of why married couples tend to be better off financially and physically because there is a companion to share with in the pursuit of life.

It is for Reproduction

Malichi 2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

It is common knowledge that a woman's chances of getting pregnant decrease as she gets older; furthermore, complications increase during pregnancy for older women. It is beneficial to have children while in the twenties to very early thirties. An article on WebMD states women are at their fertility peak in their twenties, and the chances of miscarriage increase as you age. Since one of the main purposes of marriage is reproduction, it seems even nature shows that marriage should not be postponed beyond the youthful twenties.

Speaking from personal experience, I had much more energy to raise my kids as a young man both mentally and physically. Furthermore, I was better able to keep up with the temptations and issues my children faced as they got older. I think it would be a lot more difficult mentally and physically for an older person to raise a young child.

Avoids Sexual Sin

I Cor. 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

I Corinthians 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned.

As time passes, most young people experience greater sexual temptations. Marriage is God’s sanctioned institution for fulfilling sexual desires. Practicing illicit sex outside of marriage is ungodly.

It is Honorable

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

There is a sense of honor bestowed upon those that are married. It shows responsibility and the willingness to build a productive future. Good families are a tremendous benefit to society.

It’s a Deterrent Against the Devil

I Tim. 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

When a young person is occupied with caring for a spouse, a house, and potentially children, it keeps them from idle activities that may give place to temptation. Marital relationships motivate productive living because each individual works to care for the other.

Succeeds with Godly Examples and Mentors

Titus 2:4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Many have criticized young marriage and promote first building oneself financially, and exploring life outside of marriage first. However, building with a spouse is a fulfilling endeavor.

For young marriages to succeed, we must encourage young people to partner with older married couples as mentors. This includes seeking the input of pastors and church leaders with healthy marriages and Biblical teachings on marriage. The example, mentorship, and training by older couples can significantly enhance the success of young marriages.

Omaudi Reid

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Omaudi Reid

Omaudi Reid

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