Do i have to tell my ex about every doctor appointment

When you were happily married, you likely didn’t have to worry about taking the kids to the doctor’s office when they weren’t feeling well. Divorce has a way of changing things, though.  

When you’re divorced, however, you most likely will share joint legal and physical custody of your children and have a set parenting plan that helps govern your obligations. Understanding what this means when it comes to your child’s medical care is essential.

How does joint legal custody affect your medical decisions for your child?

Generally speaking, you should review your custody agreement and parenting plan to see what it says about routine medical visits or the occasional unscheduled doctor’s visit for an acute condition. If the plan lays out any rules you must follow (such as contacting your co-parent first), make sure that you adhere to them.

Absent any specific instructions, shared legal custody means that you and your co-parent have equal say when it comes to your child’s medical care. You should discuss medical treatment before a doctor’s visit with your co-parent and make sure that you inform your co-parent of the results as soon as possible. 

You also need to make sure that your co-parent has equal access to your child’s medical records if needed. Plus, your co-parent should be involved in any major health decisions you make (unless you are in an emergency situation where there is no time to do so).

Why is respecting your co-parent’s legal custody rights so important?

Your ability to make medical choices isn’t the same as it was before you and your co-parent split. Failing to respect your co-parent’s equal say in important medical matters could be held against you in future custody decisions.

Sometimes, medical issues become a big point of contention between divorced parents. If you feel like your child’s health is in danger because of your co-parent’s attitudes toward or beliefs about medical care, it may be time to discuss a modification of custody.

Looking for a little general advice here.. My girlfriend has a beautiful 5 year old daughter & she has been divorced for over 3 years. Her ex husband is a complete jerk does not acknowledge any word I say, will not shake my hand or be civil, and acts like a child.. They have split 50/50 custody and he uses any opportunity to take advantage of the situation.

"If you won't take her on my day Wednesday I won't let you see her on Easter, etc" is the type of shit he pulls. All the time.

He has now started bringing his girlfriend to doctor visits, where she acts like the mother and talks down to my girlfriend...parent teacher day at school as well. Is very rude and trying to be the mom" and show her importance.

My girlfriend is LIVID, the actual caring loving mother. Gets so upset and thinks its highly disrespectful.. It happened again today and she's soooo upset. Is there any legal course we can take here? Is that allowed? There is no need for 3 adults to be in the room for a doctor visit for a 5 year old.

Is my girlfriend taking this too personal.. or does she have a right to be upset and talk to her attorney about possible new rules or what not? It all just seems childish and vindictive.

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Cupofteaonesugar · 04/10/2022 12:43

I posted this on Ainu yesterday but didn't get that much of a response and was hoping to have a chat about this to put my mind at ease!

I have main custody of dc.
I have always taken him to his medical app, even when ex and I were together.
Ex sees dc but has been very unreliable recently and been cancelling ally.
Ex abused me emotionally after our split. He threatens to take children off me whenever I disagreed with him and tore me apart. We seem to have reached stable ground recently but mainly because I let him dictate to keep the peace.
Last time dc had a dentist app (which Was on my time) ex told me he wants advance notice about his appointments.
Dc has an app coming up so I told ex about it and he said he wants to take him. I told ex I would be present for the appointment but he is free to come. He's now saying he doesn't want to.
Ex has always accused me of exaggerating dc illnesses (which is ridiculous and not true).
I'm feeling like this is a control thing on his part. Why would you ask to take dc to the app on his own and I don't go? I would not trust ex taking dc to the app and addressing all concerns and giving me the correct information. I do not feel comfortable missing medical apps when o have always been there.
Aibu to say he can jointly attend but I will be there or is this controlling?

think ex likes his face to be seen so he can present himself as the doting dad who is very involved. He cares very much about the opinion others have of him.
I think he's trying to a) do this to look good b) push me out of the apppointments c) control

It might sound minor, but obviously there's a history to this. I just want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable by saying that he can come but I'll be there too when it comes to medical appointments.

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