Have you ever noticed that the same circumstances show up in your life over + over again? It might be the same relationship, the same workplace situations, the same triggers, the same pain. Constantly getting fired, laid off, the same people showing up in different physical forms?
The same lesson showing up over + over again.
I literally had the same man showing up in my life for more than 15 years. The exact same guy in different physical forms. This same guy that was showing up relentlessly for me was showing me exactly what needed to be healed, I just had no awareness of it.
I wasn’t listening.
The universe was sending me the same lesson over + over + I was not hearing it.
At all.
Through self inquiry practices I became aware of the scenarios that were repeating themselves over + over again. It felt similar to groundhog day. When digging in with my coach I was shown the belief system that these men were mirroring to me. The limiting belief that was creating my reality. The limiting belief that was not true anymore. The one that at one time served me, but not anymore - in my awareness, ready to be re-wrote.
When belief systems come into our awareness it's an opportunity to shift them. To re-write them. To change the story. Since I’ve shifted the belief system, the men showing up in my life have shifted.
When we shift, everything shifts.
Where in your life are the same patterns showing up over + over again? Where are you getting triggered, showing judgement?
Patterns, cycles, triggers, judgements are all mirrors showing the parts that need some love, some healing, some digging in.
When I think about choices I have made in the past relative to my career, relationship status, or family dynamics, I see patterns.
In the big picture, much of my life is a bright, sun-shiney story. Successful, blessed, loved, with rich travel experiences beyond measure:
- my friendships are solid
- I live on a gorgeous beach
- I’m passionate about my career
- and I can borrow my neighbour’s dog for puppy therapy at anytime.
But the lesser told side would reveal experiences that, when they unfold, left me frustrated, confused, disappointed, angry and bitter:
- Relationships that turned sour
- Business endeavors that fell short
- Living situations that didn’t serve my well-being
Both sides are results of choices I have made and patterns I tend to follow: the good, the bad, and the disenchanting.
Most of us carry stories of personal highs and lows. And most of us don’t care for experiencing the lows: Mistakes, challenges, changes.
Results that bum us out.
The good news is that we can untangle ourselves.
We can break the pattern, do the repair work, and experience a refreshing change. We gain knowledge and deepen our insight.
My sunshine-y days are most definitely the result of effort I have put in to the repair work. To knock out the repetitive, unfulfilling patterns in my mindset, there’s a range of effort I put in.
I connect with like-minded people who help me talk through and work through the hurdles I face. I tweak my routine by removing roles, tasks and behaviours that leave me feeling stagnant.
I introduce new practices that clear my head and enable me to make better choices, such as writing more or exercising differently (jogging instead of yoga, or yoga instead of jogging). I purposely choose helpful books or articles to read, or listen to inspiring podcasts encouraging me to consciously make changes. Little by little, these changes take affect. The repair work begins to create the kind of life I want and things work out better for me.
Anyone can do this.
We can break the repetitive routine that doesn’t serve us or make us happy people. We can learn how to repair our mindset to create a life in line with what our authentic self desires.
There are three states of a relationship. These states are harmony, break and repair. Over the life of a relationship they are often in these different states.
When we are in a relationship that is in harmony, we know it, we can feel it working. Reflect on a relationship you have now and or in the past that really worked. Some of the hallmarks of relationship harmony are: communication, presence, trust, true authenticity, honesty, support, trustworthiness, etc.
Even in the best, most long standing relationships, breaks will occur that impact the harmony. These breaks can be small, huge or somewhere in between. Some contributors to a break in harmony are things like poor communication, lack of emotional presence, dishonesty, etc.
What many of us do is realize there has been a break in harmony, but continue on with “business as usual” hoping it just blows over. We hope we can just move back into harmony. We try to move back into harmony without any work on repair. Overtime these breaks, without repair, accumulate and weaken the relationship overall. It is crucial to a solid relationship that we acknowledge the break, small or large, and repair before moving back into harmony.
Skipping the repair will hinder our ability to get to harmony. If we skip repair too many times it may destroy the relationship all together. It’s also important to know that repair is a team sport. One person cannot be responsible for repair a break in relationship as it takes collaboration, conversation and forgiveness.
It takes the attributes of a relationship in harmony to work through the repair. It takes things honesty, communication, authenticity and trust.
In the end, the process of working through the relationship stages will strengthen the relationship. It is much like the physical process of strengthening bone and muscle. Bones and muscles both become stronger when muscles push and tug against bones during physical activity.
The key takeaway is that it is crucial to the relationship that we acknowledge that there be breaks and that working through the repair state will strengthen the overall relationship.