Now that we've filled up on burgers, danish, and mac and cheese, we might just be ready for some of Miss Patty's punch! After all, according to Lorelai Gilmore, it's best drunk after consuming a loaf of bread, a pound of crackers, and a quart of olive oil. I think we've probably had the equivalent of that by now.
The Founders Punch of Stars Hollow was known to be used to remove tar from construction sites, the tar from scorned women's souls, and was also pretty damn tasty, apparently. Its lethal, vomit-inducing powers were described at length throughout the series, but never once any ingredients. So, we are all left to imagine just what it is Miss Patty put in it. My money is really on moonshine and cherry Kool-aid, but that combo is too close to Jungle Juice for my comfort. Since this isn't actually the blog of a college freshman, I decided to go with a more adult punch blend of fruit juice, vodka, and brandy.
This is a pretty bold mix of juices, with cranberry and pineapple, plus a bit of tropical flavor that I think Miss Patty would approve of. The last addition of sparkling apple cider seems very Stars Hollow appropriate to me, perfect for the Firelight Festival, the Harvest Festival, or any Festival dreamed up by Taylor Doosey. It's certainly a strong mix, but don't worry, it shouldn't be enough to get you dancing on any tables at the Salute to the Quakers Festival or wandering barefoot through the streets searching for a payphone.
Although, keep in mind, the recipe is supposed to serve 16, so if you decide to drink like a Gilmore as well as eat like one, you may need a taco or two in the morning.
Founders Punch
Basically, this is a lot of juice and a little less booze. Adapted from Eat Like a Gilmore. The original recipe calls for three cups of passionfruit juice, which sounds like Miss Patty, but I'm sorry, still seemed insane to me because 1) where do I buy that? and 2) given the price of whole passionfruit, how much does that even cost? I've substituted with a juice blend containing a bit of passion fruit juice, but I think any "tropical" flavor blend would work well.
- 2 cups pineapple juice
- 1 1/2 cup cranberry juice
- 2 cups "tropical" juice blend (I used Odwalla's Citrus C Monster)
- 1 cup vodka
- 1/2 cup brandy
- 1 cup sparkling apple cider
- ice, for serving
- Combine all except apple cider in a large pitcher or bowl. Stir well to combine and chill until ready to serve.
- When ready to serve, pour over ice and top with a splash of apple cider.
Forget the zippy dialogue and complex female relationships, the real heart of Gilmore Girlsis food. After all, Lorelai and Rory bond with Rory’s grandparents each week over Friday night dinners, Sookie regularly whips up gourmet dishes with Jackson’s produce, and Luke’s diner is basically a free cafeteria for Lorelai and Rory. And while the Gilmore girls themselves were famously terrible chefs, this brand-new unofficial Gilmore Girls-themed cookbook will ensure you don’t have to be. Author Kristi Carlson has assembled dozens of recipes in her upcoming book Eat Like A Gilmore, and we’re debuting one exclusively here at The A.V. Club:
- Off
- English
Founder’s Day Punch made its most iconic appearance in the fifth season episode, “Live And Let Diorama.” The concoction is described as being so strong you need a loaf of bread, a pound of crackers, and a quart of olive oil to survive drinking it. Or as Rory puts it, “Miss Patty’s leftover punch is used to remove tar from construction sites.” Carlson’s version seems a little less lethal, and involves several kinds of fruit juice, sparkling apple cider, vodka, and brandy. And since the episode ends with a drunk Rory throwing up/crying in front of a toilet, Carlson wisely advises, “Be sure to clean your bathroom before you drink it.”
Eat Like A Gilmore was funded through a successful Kickstarter campaign and is currently available for pre-order via Skyhorse Publishing. And while the phrase “eat like a Gilmore” literally means eating endless amounts of junk food and staying in perfect shape, Carlson’s book focuses on more than just pop tarts and pizza. As she explains on her website, she’ll feature recipes like mac & cheese in a jalapeño chipotle cream sauce, which is perfect for anything but children’s birthday parties; a goat cheese-stuffed pretzel basket, for when you want to auction yourself off at a town festival; and spaghetti and meatballs, for those nights when you feel like fighting.
Confession: I’m in my mid-40s and only recently watched Gilmore Girls for the first time. Many people have recommended it to me over the years and I never doubted I’d like it but the timing just wasn’t right. While the show aired (2000-2007), I lived in three different states, went to graduate school, got married, landed my dream job and had my first baby. I didn’t have much time for TV and it wasn’t like I could stream it – until the spring/summer of 2022 (thanks, Netflix!). I finished the series recently and absolutely LOVED it! I think what makes the show work so well are not only the main characters but also the charming town, Stars Hollow, and its quirky yet lovable community members.
To my delight, I have learned that one can find any number of Gilmore Girls recipes online, including Miss Patty’s Founders’ Day punch recipe! There are several different variations; this is my interpretation. I’m happy to share it with fans of the show as well as anyone looking for a delicious summer punch cocktail recipe! It’s sassy and strong, just like Miss Patty. Feel free to make some sassy substitutions of your own!
Cuisine: American
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 0 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes
Servings: 10
Ingredients
- 1 bottle (750 ml) Champagne
- 1/2 cup bourbon
- 1/2 cup pineapple vodka
- 1/2 cup orange juice
- 2 tablespoons cherry juice
- 1 orange, sliced thinly (save some slices for garnish, if desired)
- 1/4 cup maraschino cherries (optional)
Here's how to make it:
- Combine all ingredients.
- Serve over ice. Garnish glasses with an orange slice and/or cherry, if desired.
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